The Great Big Bad Oogie Boogie Bully Monster
by Kimberly Wylie
Illustrations by Jerry Shippee
Brittany loved school.
Well… actually, she USED to love school. Brittany loved school until the day the Great Big Bad Oogie Boogie Bully Monster moved to town and came to the Kutz Elementary School.
The Bully Monster was HUGE! It was ten feet tall, with green hair and long, sharp fingernails.
Well… actually its hair was more brown than green, but Brittany was sure it had green highlights in it, and its fingernails were pretty long. Perhaps the Bully Monster wasn’t exactly ten feet tall either, but it was a lot bigger than Brittany.
Brittany had first encountered the Bully Monster on the playground, the first morning the creature arrived. Like every other schoolday morning, Brittany and her friends were swinging on their favorite swings and seeing who could swing the highest and jump off the furthest.
Brittany was just about to set a new record for highest swinging, when the Great Big Bad Oogie Boogie Bully Monster grabbed the chain of her swing and stopped the swing abruptly, nearly sending Brittany flying off the seat.
The Bully Monster growled and snarled and hissed at Brittany in some strange language that sounded like a bear had taught a lion how to speak vicious dog.
Well… actually, it spoke English, but its voice was so mean and scary Brittany could barely pick out the message that the Bully Monster wanted Brittany off the swing so it could have it.
As this was her first encounter with this hideous beast, Brittany foolishly tried to reason with it. She explained that there was an open swing just two swings down.
Apparently that swing wasn’t good enough for the Bully Monster, because it latched its claws around Brittany’s arm and yanked so hard that Brittany flew off the swing and landed unceremoniously on the ground with a “Thud!”
Brittany’s friends ran to her aid - as good friends do - to help her up. The Bully Monster hopped up on the swing and laughed a gravelly sound that reminded Brittany of the time she accidentally turned the garbage disposal on with a fork in it.
Just as Brittany was getting up, the bell rang and they all had to go inside.
The scary thing was that the teacher didn’t seem to know there was a monster joining their class! Instead of running and screaming, which was exactly what Brittany wanted to do, the teacher called the Bully Monster “Margaret” and assigned her a desk and acted like everything was normal!
What was worse, the teacher sat the Bully Monster right behind Brittany.
All morning long, Brittany could feel the Bully Monster’s hot, horrible breath on the back of her neck. The Bully Monster would stretch out its long, scaly legs and shove Brittany’s chair halfway across the room.
Well… actually, Brittany was only guessing its legs were scaly, because the creature had pants on. Also, Brittany’s chair wasn’t quite pushed halfway across the room, but she did get shoved hard enough to make her mess up the cursive letter ‘K’ that she had been practicing.
At lunchtime, Brittany sat at the table with her friends as usual. She had just taken her lunch out of her lunch bag when the Great Big Bad Oogie Boogie Bully Monster stomped across the cafeteria.
The ground shook violently with each step the beast took, and its red eyes glared menacingly at Brittany as it made its way towards the table.
Well… actually, the ground didn’t shake and the creature had green eyes and not red, but the Bully Monster did have a pretty scary look in its eyes and it was definitely heading towards Brittany!
Brittany’s heart raced as the Bully Monster neared the table. It opened its cavernous mouth, displaying rows of jagged, vicious-looking teeth.
Clearly the monster was hungry, and Brittany was certain that SHE was going to be its lunch! The Bully Monster grunted something unintelligible in its cruel Bully Monster language and Brittany had never been so scared.
Well… actually, it said, “Give me that snack cake,” which was scary enough for Brittany because she was very hungry and snack cakes were her absolute favorite.
Brittany thought about telling the Bully Monster to get lost, but before she could say anything the beast grabbed the freshly unwrapped snack cake and swallowed it in one bite!
Well… actually, it took the beast about four bites, but it ate the snack cake really quickly and right in front of Brittany, which was an incredibly mean thing to do.
This went on for months and months. Before school and at recess, the Bully Monster would push Brittany off the swing, or off the jungle gym, or away from the tether ball and use it itself.
The creature would kick Brittany’s chair and make her mess up her work. Plus, every day the Bully Monster would gnash its razor-sharp, crooked teeth at Brittany before gobbling up Brittany’s snack cake at lunch.
Well… actually this only went on for about two weeks, but when you’re in second grade two weeks can feel like years and years, especially when you have a Great Big Bad Oogie Boogie Bully Monster terrorizing you!
One morning, Brittany had an idea! She couldn’t prevent the Bully Monster from taking her swing or kicking her chair, but she wasn’t going to let the Bully Monster have her snack cake ever again!
The solution was so simple! Brittany wasn’t going to bring a snack cake at all for lunch! Instead, she’d tuck it in a drawer and eat it when she got home from school.
Happy that she was at least going to make some progress in defeating the Bully Monster, Brittany looked forward to lunch that day.
As usual, as soon as Brittany settled into her lunch with her friends, the Bully Monster stomped over to their table, eager to devour stolen snack cakes. However, when the Bully Monster got there, Brittany told it, “Sorry, I don’t have any snack cakes today.”
The Bully Monster roared its displeasure and then said, “Fine. I’ll just have this.” The creature grabbed Brittany’s sandwich and wolfed it down.
“Mmmm… peanut butter,” the Bully Monster said as it licked its slobbery lips, before lumbering off.
Brittany did the only thing that she could think to do. She cried. Her friends consoled her and each shared some of their lunches, but it didn’t change the helpless feeling Brittany had inside.
She had been so sure her plan was going to work. Now, she realized it didn’t matter what she brought for lunch, the ravenous Bully Monster would take it from her. She thought for sure her day couldn’t get any worse.
And then, it did.
Brittany’s Mom had just arrived to pick her up from school when the Bully Monster stalked toward her.
“Who’s your little friend?” Mom asked.
Clearly Mom was delusional, because the Bully Monster was neither little nor her friend! However, Brittany politely introduced the Bully Monster, using the name ’Margaret’ that the teacher had used. Then, Mom said the worst thing possible.
“Why don’t you come over to our house for a play date, Margaret?”
The Bully Monster snarled a reply, sneaking an evil glance at Brittany when Mom wasn’t looking. Mom, however, took the snarl as a “Yes” and the Bully Monster piled into the backseat of the car.
As they drove home, Mom made it even worse by suggesting they play with Brittany’s Colossal Castle Lego set!
Brittany had been working for the past few weeks to build the biggest Lego castle you’ve ever seen, complete with princes, princesses, dragons and even a big tall tower. The Bully Monster growled that she liked Legos too.
Yes, she loved kicking in the walls, demolishing the castle and feeding the pieces to the dog to be chewed into mangled bits, Brittany thought.
Well… actually, she said, “I like playing with Legos. I have some at home.” But Brittany knew what she really meant.
When they arrived at Brittany’s house, Brittany showed the Bully Monster her room and prepared for the worst.
She was certain the beast would rampage through her room, tearing apart the shelves, jumping on her bed, and destroying all of her things. Maybe then her would say something to the teacher about how inappropriate it was to have a monster in school!
However, none of that happened. Instead, Margaret walked over to the castle Brittany had set up, sat down and reached into her backpack for her own set of Lego princes, princesses and dragons!
Shocked at this very un-monsterlike behavior, Brittany cautiously sat next to Margaret and began to play with her.
They both had fun pretending to be brave knights who fought dragons, and even pretended to be dragons themselves! Brittany’s Mom brought them each a snack cake for a treat, and Margaret didn’t even try to take Brittany’s cake!
As they played, Brittany and Margaret found out they had a lot in common. Margaret even admitted that she hadn’t wanted to move to a new school, where she didn’t know anyone.
And… actually, as the afternoon wore on, Brittany realized that Margaret could be pretty nice when she wanted to be, and that maybe the girl inside - Margaret - just needed a friend to make the Bully Monster go away completely.